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Marriage: Where the Wild Things Are!

Our view and vision of marriage are colored with the best intentions, we work to create the Disney Version of a fairytale, not knowing that the dreamiest fairytales are watered-down versions of stories that aren’t quite as dreamy as they seem. Seriously, check out Grimm’s Fairy Tales, it’s some scary beautiful isht. The story that Sleeping Beauty is based on didn’t end in “and they lived happily ever after.”  The one thing that we forget when we compare stories to our lives is that stories are written for an ending, marriage is made for living.

Let’s be clear, marriage is more like being thrown into the wild, more Jumanji than Cinderella. Now, don’t get all pissy because this isn’t a negative reference, it’s just stating the facts, the first stages of marriage are REAL! To go back to the Jumanji reference (the new version, I’m sorry Robin Williams) you’re thrust into unknown circumstances with a partner with strengths and weaknesses that may or may not be known to you and those that develop with adversity.  My wife is my partner and my teammate in this wild ass safari called marriage.

I’m not saying that all marriages are the same, but I am saying that we all go through some level of discomfort to try and find the alignment that leads to happiness. Even the mundane can be a trip into the wild. For example, one spouse squeezes the toothpaste tube from the bottom, and the other squeezes it from the middle. Although you both end up with the same toothpaste, the spouse that squeezes from the bottom may be annoyed because they believe that is the right way to dispense toothpaste. To be honest, who gives a sh*t lol. Some things aren’t really worth the time to entertain or make a big deal out of, because being right isn’t the goal.

In the wild, there will be minor issues you all will face and then there will be issues that require you all to battle as a unit. Remember that teammate sh*t I talked about earlier?! The wild is a dangerous place when the unit is not aligned, it can go south real quick! Like pewn! I’ll use me as an example. Finding alignment with Ralphiel has been quite the task for me. Although I know her expectations, admittedly, my execution can be poor and at times comes off selfish. It’s not on purpose, it’s just a different challenge for me. I have lived my life for so long with unrealistic expectations (of myself and others) because I wanted perfection, I wanted to be great.

Most may read this and say “C’mon man, ain’t no way in hell you will achieve perfection,” but it requires a lot to take your foot off of the gas when you’ve been speeding your entire adult life.  I have come to the realization that its time to slow down and focus on Ralphiel’s expectations because you can’t do it all in a day.  I’m tired of trying to do it all because something always gets missed in the process. Unfortunately for me, sometimes it’s my wife and her expectations.  I am indirectly affecting us because I’m just doing TOO MUCH.

That has always been my mindset though, but it’s time for a change.  I’m tired of feeling like I constantly drop the ball when it matters the most.  I joke all the time about how I am selfish and can destroy a good thing, but this time it isn’t that funny.  My intentions aren’t to destroy my marriage or my family.  My intentions are to do whatever it takes to support them at whatever cost.  Now, that’s easier said than done, but I’m going to put my foot on the pedal at what needs my attention more than anything…My Wife!  I am going to fight through the wild and find my way, so when we are up against the elements, Ralphiel knows my intentions are purely to protect us and nothing else.  The wild is wild, but the question is, how are you going to act when you and your significant other are up against the elements?!?!

Until next time…

1 Comment

  1. Jonathan on November 9, 2019 at 9:19 am

    wow! There’s something to be said about being “in the trenches with the Toulons!” It takes strength and helluva lot of vulnerability to give voice to what it takes to make marriage work! Kudos to Touly & Ralph on sharing it through the lens of being young, and hungry for a healthy, whole and successful marriage! Keep us in the trenches, we’re taking notes!

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